In my previous blog (http://mickeyronny.blogspot.com/2015/02/this-is-favouritequote-of-good-friend.html), I wrote about my positive
experience with online dating but the fact is that, there is a dark side to it
as well. You may want to consider these and decide whether it’s your thing or
not. The fact that you live miles apart may raise some trust issues. Your
‘friend’ may go about wondering what you’re up to once you’re not with them.
These could stem fromdeep insecurity issues and block the building of trust but
it’s justified. It’s just one of the difficulties in dating online from a long
distance. It’s either you deal with insecurities by building trust through good
communication or this is just not for you. There are several more but I wish to
tackle the three major downsides that in my experience can destroy success in
online long-distance dating.
SCAM
The biggest headache at the moment for
meeting someone online is scamming and oh, I know you know what I mean. If you
don’t know this at this point in your online experience, then we have a major
problem here. Strange but not strange, I still hear stories of foreign online
dates being scammed of their hard earned cash. Scamming gives online dating a very, very bad name. Never ever assume that you know
someone fully because you have had video chat with them. Believe me I live in a
place where this happens everytime. Here’s a typical example (Note that the names used in
this story are not real though the story is true): Peter meets Lucy
online. They live in different countries. Peter has regular video chats online
with Lucy almost every day. Every now and then, they talk on the phone
therefore Peter had no doubt that Lucy was real. Lucy had sent him several
pictures, some naked and Peter being a ‘typical male’ had his appetite wetted
and ready for action. He wanted so much to meet Lucy that he granted all her
huge financial requests from his hard earned savings through money transfers.
He finally buys a ticket and traveled to meet Lucy in her country to make
things real. Lucy books a hotel in which he stays and where she comes to him
every day. Everything seems so real that he never hesitated to still grant her
every financial request which included $5,000 for her to finalise traveling
documents so that she can travel with Peter back to his country. This was
besides the $10,000 and $5, 000 he had previously sent her for a surgery she
had after an accident she claimed she had and another $7,000 to prepare for
their impending marriage once he arrived. In the meantime, Lucy introduces a
guy called Sam to him and claims he’s her brother; the only ‘family’ of Lucy
that he had met so far. After spending a night with Lucy one fine Saturday
night, he wakes up and realizes his luggage has been ransacked and all his
money and credits cards were gone. Meanwhile, Lucy had vanished. Only then did
he realize that he has been scammed. What he did not know is that, Sam was the
person he met online who pretended to be Lucy. They are a scamming team who
alternated ‘gender’ roles depending on who they met online. I AM SCREAMING OUT VERY LOUDLY,
NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER SEND MONEY TO ANYONE YOU MET ONLINE EVEN IF YOU SEE
THEM ON AN HOSPITAL BED LIVE ON VIDEO, LOOKING BADLY INJURED AND IN BLOOD
SOAKED BANDAGES. If you
feel tempted to believe such a story, just ask for time off from work and do
some thorough investigations even if it has to do with some travel and you have
the means. There are several examples. For
instance, if you have not met someone in real life just yet, to afford you the
chance to get know them beyond the online thing, it would be very dangerous to
show yourself naked on cam or send naked pictures of yourself. This especially
goes to women looking for men. What can happen is that you can be blackmailed
into paying huge sums of money if you don’t want to see your naked video or
pictures on websites or on social media. I
have personally saved two women i have never met online from scam in the past
so i know what i am talking about. It’s good to take some risk in love but
be smart and keep your head straight.
ECONOMIC MIGRATION
Followed closely by scamming is the problem of economic migration. This
may come in differing forms. Sometimes you may meet someone online who is real
and all but in truth, they intend to take advantage of you. Example is, when
the subject of your desire is located in a place considered as economically
deprived. It would be difficult to determine whether this person is genuinely
interested in you or whether he/she just wants to migrate to a better country
by using you as the tool to attain that purpose. This is a pretty difficult one
and you may have to do a lot of tests to know his/her genuine feelings and
intentions for you. Look, I am not saying you should not help someone in need.
Several great love stories have developed out of such situations, where one
helps the other out of love and they stay together ‘forever’. Afterall if you
can’t help each other when in need then you can’t be friends or lovers. I have
a cousin whose fiance helped him migrate to somewhere considered
as economically better. They are happily married with three beautiful kids
but there are equally several tragic stories out there of spouses who helped
only to be abandoned after their men/women gained regular stay in their
countries. All I am saying is if you’re tempted to help someone out of love
conduct more tests to be sure if his/her intentions are genuine. One way to do
this is to have the person make some form of commitment. For example, I know a
lady who helped a guy financially to gain travel documents out of love because
he couldn’t afford it but she insisted the guy paid for his travel tickets to
her country. The guy went out of his way to find the money somehow to buy the
tickets. That to her, was a show of commitment. Now, Can I confidently say the
guy’s feelings for the woman and intentions were genuine? No, but all I can say
is that, I know they have been married for close to ten years now. I am not
saying you should deploy the same test because since I just told it, the story
will be out there. You should create your own commitment tests and be smart
about it.
LACK OF PHYSICAL CLOSENESS
There is no denying the fact that
physical touch enhances a love relationship. This is what meeting long-distance
online lacks. If you are one whose affection develop with regular physical
touch, then meeting online from a long-distance may be very difficult for you.
JEALOUSY AND THE ‘DEVIL’ CALLED SOCIAL MEDIA
Jealousy is probably one of the most
difficult issues in long-distance online dating by my experience. Social media
is one of the causes. It cuts both ways; it can make your long-distance online
dating great or totally collapse it. Seeing the object of your desire flirting
and liking the pictures of other men/women and ignoring yours can stir up the
green eyed monster big time, though it could just be harmless fun. If you’re
one with insecurities then you need to work on yourself or you might do
something stupid that would destroy your chances of being together. Communication, communication and
more communication is the
only solution to this, trust me. If one is willing to communicate but the other
is not then this will simply not work.
All in all, technology has given us the
opportunity to cast our nets wider in the hope of finding that special someone.
I believe that it’s really possible to meet genuine people online from my
personal experience. Fact is, whether offline or online finding that special
someone is like trying to find ‘a needle in a haystack’. Therefore
meeting online is not to blame but human nature. People will still hurt you
anyway whether online or offline. We are all not perfect so let’s love
people with all their imperfections. If
you have met someone online but you are having doubts about whether they are
real or not. Share your story with me. I may be able to tell you who you are
dealing with. Feel free to share.
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