How Antiquity Saved My Day (A True Story)

It was a hot and humid night in November, 2014, later to be cooled at midnight by dew and some cool wind blowing through my window which rendered my hot-wind blowing standing fan useless. I was awoken at 1: am by cobra (my dog) with loud barks. I spied through my half closed louvers to ensure everything was alright. It was then that I realized the whole neighbourhood was in stack darkness. I yelled in my head, “ECG (Electricity Company of Ghana, the company that supplies electricity to everyone in my country) has done it again”!. Jeez we have only had 6 hrs of uninterrupted power supply for the past 24 hrs, 3 hrs of which was midnight when we have no ‘use’ for electricity so why the hell would E.C.G. do this to us, I asked. A lot of you, except in emergency situations, may not be familiar with electricity rationing but this is a common phenomenon in my country. This is a continent with abundant sunshine and wind yet no one sees the need to invest in solar, wind or any other alternative energy.

The night before, I had gone to bed with great eagerness and anticipation of the next day because of a job interview I had. I had been advised then to press a shirt or two for E.C.G. can’t be trusted. Yet I was adamant that, once we have not had electricity all day, there was no way E.C.G. was going to turn us off again. After all, the entire schedule was 36 hrs of power, 12hrs of none but alas I was proven wrong. I resigned myself to fate; the fact that I would have to wear crumpled shirt and trousers to the interview. I had failed in advance or so I thought. Or wait a minute, there was another option. I could arrange my clothes in a straightened position under my mattress and sleep on it, like we did in high school, on days we failed to iron our uniforms though we knew we wouldn’t have electricity the next day.

My antique box iron

Then it hit me like a thunder. The old box, yes the old antique box iron must be somewhere!! I need to find it and bring it back to life. It could be my best savior in this time of turmoil. Into the store room I run, scurrying through everything in my way and there it was; the good old antique!! I picked it up with care. It looked rusty, dusty old and rickety. It doesn’t matter, I will clean, polish and tighten the screws. Then I will whip up some fire with charcoal. My imagination was running wild with pictures of heat and sweat all over my body but it was worth it for in the end, it was problem solved!! That was how my day was saved by antiquity where modern technology, coupled with human indiscretion, failed me. I love technology and I am probably the biggest fan of it yet somehow on occasions like these, I sometimes tend to shudder what would happen if technology breaks down. .

These are but a few of my antique stuff

As a hobby, I keep some antique at home but also for a ‘paranoiac’ reason in case technology fails and I need to go back to the ‘cave age’. So for example, I still have my old cassette player and LP turn table player just in case any of the new technologies for music playing fails. I still keep my hard copy CDs just in case my external hard drive crushes and oh, that includes the old video cassette player. I still have my old camera with some film in case my digital camera fails one day. I even still maintain my knowledge of how to light fire with two stones if I can’t find the lighter. I have my cutlass to clear the compound of weeds if the mower fails. Technology is moving very fast. It is said that the technology you have today would have changed by tomorrow and so would be obsolete. As I sit and ponder what a day I have had, I keep wondering what will happen one day if all these technologies fail us? Every time I am tempted to send these ‘antiques’ to the junk yard, I am reminded of this question. If for nothing at all I just love keeping me some antiquities as souvenirs at least and who knows when they may come in handy. Do you keep, collect or deal in antiques? Have any of them saved your day in recent times? I would be glad to hear you share your story. 

Long-Distance Online Dating Can Be Successful

     This is a favourite quote of a good friend of mine which I have made my favourite. Are you still single and searching? Have you cast your net wide enough to catch the special ‘fish’? Have you considered online dating from a long-distance? Is it worth it? What about Online Dating? What if I tell you it’s possible to be successful with online dating? I am no psychologist or relationships expect but I have developed some key points from my personal experience and that of people I know personally, who are happily married to spouses they only met online. I wish to show you what and what not to do and hopefully you might learn a thing or two, if you find yourself in that situation.

       This is no claim that meeting online is better than meeting someone offline. This is just a claim that there is no guarantee that someone you met offline would not hurt you as much as someone you met online. The fact is that, people would hurt you if they would, even if you sleep on the same bed every night with them and you would still never know. It’s just a fact of life. Before I proceed further, let me say that, this is not for online scam artists (a whole subject on its own to be tackled soon), paedophiles, human traffickers or any form of abusers who give online meeting a bad name. This is for the good and genuine hearts who keep an open-mind about finding a soul mate. Technology has made us neighbours and since there would be no looking back we might as well take full advantage of it. Logically, if we feel comfortable enough to initially meet people online for networking purposes and for business connections, why are we afraid of meeting a soul mate online? Believe me, I have made some very wonderful friends online that I have never met in real life. We may meet in real life one day or we may not but I can confidently tell you that I know some of them more than I know some members of my family. I also have several real stories of people I know who have been very successful with people they met online from long-distance. I have learnt a lot of lessons along the way and that is why I wish to share them so pay rapt attention. There are lots of negatives in dating online from a distance but for now I would share only the positives and how you should go about it. Check out the negatives here negatives on online long distance dating, before you decide if it’s for you. Apparently though, there are some awesome statistics on online dating out there by the UChigacoNews that you should check out:(http://news.uchicago.edu/article/2013/06/03/meeting-online-leads-happier-more-enduring-marriages). All hope is not lost.

FRIENDSHIP FIRST

    Strike a friendship first. There is absolutely no way you should see a picture of someone online and conclude that you want to date them. The picture may be fake (there are lots of fake pictures online). What you see may not be what you get but then again you should also question your motives if you’re interested in only looks. Friendship is the way to start. Just strike a simple friendship with no strings attached and find out if the person you’re talking to is real; real because, there are lots of ‘bots’ spammers and scammers online who use chat apps and dating sites to defraud people. To test if you’re talking to a real person, send not less than five short messages asking them of their interests, location, age and what they do. If you get reasonable answers, then you know you are talking to a real person. You can now move off the site and get on a chat app like Skype. Do some mutual picture sharing (no nudes please). Finally verify if they are real with a video call and if you’re convinced you are interested proceed. Don’t force it, let everything follow a natural sequence and in time you if you find compatibility, you would establish some emotional connection.

COMMUNICATION

    The success or otherwise of making a great connection with someone online boils down to good communication as it is with all good relationships in life. However this situation by my experience requires a more special form of communication. I break it down into emotional and physical. The fact is that, you can only have an emotional connection in such a situation which is actually a good thing because it’s the foundation on which you can start building a good relationship. The physical is equally important but the emotional precedes it in this situation. You see, you are distances apart; you are not next door neighbours where it would be possible to know each other’s daily routine, possibly even live in different time zones. Therefore, it is very important to inform each other on your routines as you become close. However ensure that you don’t smother each other with too much information. Under this, I suggest you the following actions:

a)      VIDEO CALLS: Fix comfortable times to meet online for video calls. For example, it’s important to know when each of you is available for video calls. Video calls via any of the free technology apps available to all.  Be warned though, don’t do this daily. Be honest about who you are as much as possible and avoid the temptation of lying. Lies would catch up with you and destroy what you’re genuinely building. For example, if you do not have a job and you are asked about it, be honest.

b)      PHONE CALLS: Same as video calling, schedule occasional phone calls; weekends probably the best time. Hearing each other’s voice every now and then deepens the emotional connection and strengthens the long-distance bond. If you have a good voice and you’re both romantics, occasionally sing your favourite songs to each other. If that’s impossible play each other’s favourite songs every now and then in the background whilst you have a phone conversation. This is very important. If by any means one of you, for any reason cannot take a call at a scheduled time, send a quick email or text message to inform the other and give a good reason.

c)      EROTIC EMAILS: Ordinarily, I would not recommend this until you have met each other offline yet circumstances still prevents you from living together permanently. However, if you have not met offline yet but you have struck great chemistry, you are both adventurous, open-minded and comfortable with it, then it is fine to explore with some erotic email. Spice things up after you have established a good connection with these types emails to each other. Be creative and romantic if you have to be and hardcore if you have to be. I do not recommend sending nude photos of yourself. In my experience, what this form of communication does is that, it builds a good physical rapport and great anticipation for when you eventually meet in real life. It is however never a perfect substitute for the real thing, take note.

d)     SNAIL MAIL: Oh yes, good old snail mail comes in handy in long-distance dating. In my opinion, it’s probably the best way to seal an emotional connection in long-distance dating. If you were born in the late 90s and upwards, you would remember when in high school you just couldn’t wait to receive that valentine’s card in your mail box or when you wrote a letter to a special someone spiced with all those ridiculous phrases like “You’re the only sugar in my coffee”? The letter that you crafted a heart shaped sign at the end and sprayed the paper with perfume?? Yeah you’re shaking your head, huh? Snail mail enables you the feel of each other’s invisible presence. Make it even better by attaching inexpensive exotic gifts for each other from your respective locations. See what I mean?

e)      CULTURAL SHOCK: Finally in communicating, I suggest you play the cultural shock game with each other. By cultural shock, I mean some of the things your online date may find strange in your culture should he/she visit you today. Feel comfortable introducing and making light-hearted fun at some of the things they would find strange about your culture. Also encourage them to do same. This will go a long way in helping lower or raise your expectation and reduce the shocks of learning a new culture. It will also help you know whether you are comfortable enough to proceed and meet finally.

GOALS AND DEADLINE

    Finally, set a goal on when you want to meet and assiduously work towards that goal. If you live cities or states apart, things may be a lot easier but if you live in different countries you may have to work a lot harder and help each other as well. Be clear on how you wish this to be - do you become exclusive or would both of you prefer to continue dating others or remain just friends until you meet in real life? If you live countries apart and you are willing to give a real meeting a try set a number of years within which you must meet. If you’re both working, start saving some money immediately towards that goal. When one falls along the way help him/her and also update each other on the progress made. This can be a really difficult one because a lot can happen along the way like illness and accidents so be prepared for anything. It’s also possible that one partner might have a change of heart for many reasons. Maybe they met someone else or possibly they required immediate physical closeness to fall in love. Just be prepared for anything and when it happens, pick yourself up again and still keep your options open. Don't say online dating is bad because of one experience because you never know who you might meet. Afterall if it’s meant to be it will be, anyway.

A VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: (I AM SCREAMING THIS ONE OUT VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY LOUDLY): DO NOT AND I MEAN DO NOT BY ANY MEANS SEND MONEY TO ANY ONE YOU HAVE NOT MET IN REAL LIFE, NOT EVEN IF YOU HAD A LIVE VIDEO CALL SESSION WITH HIM IN WHICH HE HAD AN AL QAEDAMILLITANT HOLDING A GUN TO HIS HEAD. Also, if you receive an email from someone online, claiming to be a US marine stationed somewhere and would be coming home soon and he/she is looking to find love, the probability that it’s a scam is very high, becareful. I have personally saved a few people from this situation who weren’t sure who they were talking to so I know what I am talking about. I have an example in my other blog on the downside of online dating. Now, this is different from sending money at your own free will to help the other in some way without being asked. You should be suspicious of someone who always tries to bring money in to every conversation, anyway. Be smart!!

     The whole point to this is that in order to find love, you need to keep your options open and not rigidly stick to your old conservative style. The world is one place now so prejudice will only limit your chances. Get to know people, get to know different cultures and you will learn a lot in life and you will be surprised at the happiness you would discover. Afterall, how many people do you meet in real life daily? Besides, are you willing to date all of them? Truth be told, finding the one you’re compatible with for a long lasting relationship online is not an easy task. At the same time it can be easy if we understand that no one is perfect and we need to compromise in order to live a long lasting fulfilling love life. If you have an online love success or any nagging questions, I would be honoured to hear it. Feel free to share. Enjoy loving!!

Four Simple Steps to Improve Your Barre Chord Play

Barre Chords, we all hate them, don’t we? You finally manage to get your first guitar; you have gone past the basic EBGDAE strings and started learning about chords. Infact, you have gone past the basic chords and your finger tips had started hardening with all the practicing. You have impressed your family and friends with a few lovely tunes. One day, you decided to learn how to play one of your favourite tunes and that was when you came across the ‘Barre Chord’ and hit a glass ceiling. Though you’d love so much to learn how to play one of your favourite tunes, you found the ‘Barre Chord’ too hard to play. Somehow, you found alternative chords but it didn’t sound like the real thing. Did that sound like your story? Guess what, you are not alone. I felt the same when I started out as a beginner. Infact, I thought it would be impossible to learn the Barre Chord. Now a couple of years down the line, I laugh at myself for having that feeling.  Let me share with you some simple techniques I used to easily learn Barre Chords as a beginner, with little or no pain so that you won’t have that same feeling like I did.

NOTE:  This is not a comprehensive or detailed ‘lecture’ on Barre Chords. The truth is that, in order to advance and master Barre chords, you would have to practice playing in certain keys which enables you to combine it with open chords so that you can learn how to easily switch chords. This is just to show you the techniques that I used to quickly learn Barre Chords as a beginner a few years back. There is a lot of material on how to master Barre Chords from various experts online so go check them out. It was a moment of joy for me when I advanced because I could finally play my favourite tunes with the ‘real barre chords’ and make them sound like the original.

What is the ‘Barre Chord’? The Barre Chord simply explained in lay terms is when in playing the guitar, you have to use a single finger, usually the fore finger, to cover and press down more than one string on one or more frets. Yes, it’s possible to have two or more Barres chords. Infact, there are even special capos for some more complex Barre Chords and you will get to learn this as you advance in your lessons.  

Here is what I did that worked:

1.      In learning how to play the Barre Chord, hand positioning is very important.  Always ensure enough space between the neck of the guitar and the arc formed between your thumb and fore-finger in pressing down the strings on a fret ( arrowed in the picture). This enables you to press down the strings very well. It is very important.

2.      Get a finger exerciser and exercise regularly everyday with much emphasis on the fore finger. This is because you will be using the fore finger the most in playing Barre Chords.  The general finger exercise strengthens your grip and makes playing the Barre Chord a joy instead of a dread. I highly recommend it to you if you’re a beginner.

3.      In wanting to master, I dared to pick a song with at least three Barre Chords and I practiced regularly (that is me). In doing this, I found that playing a song with a single Barre became a ‘piece of cake’ and so on. However if you’re a beginner, you may want to start with one Barre to boost your confidence first. Many teachers will tell you this and it’s actually the best way to start. . I would suggest the ‘F’ Major with a Barre in such a case. This is because the Barre is right on the first fret and will enable you to become accustomed to finger stretching since it’s the largest fret in terms of spacing. However, once you start and gain confidence, the only way to speed-up would be to go beyond one Barre. Pick a song with at least three Barres and spend at least one hour practicing only the Barre Chord. Then go back and play one with a single Barre and feel how easy it feels.  When you become comfortable with three, increase to four and so on. You would notice how your fingers become accustomed to playing and how fast you have improved. Personally I picked ‘Africa’ by Toto to advance my technique but find what works for you.

'F' MAJOR WITH A BARRE

4.      Practice, practice, practice! Yes, practice is the most important thing after knowing these simple techniques. Most people have little time for practice but I found that placing the guitar by my side during breakfast is fun. I get to pick it up and practice only the Barre Chord in-between munches and sips. I am sure you can find something that works for you, just don’t put the guitar in the case.

Feel free to share and ask any question. Enjoy playing the guitar.